You sit down. You open your laptop. You have approximately eleven seconds of productive peace before a furry body materialises from nowhere and plants itself directly on the keys.
This is not affection. This is strategy.
They are not cold. They are territorial.
The popular theory is that cats sit on laptops because the keyboard is warm. And sure, electronics generate heat. But your cat also ignores the radiator, the heated blanket you bought specifically for them, and the literal sunbeam on the carpet. The warmth theory does not hold up under cross-examination.
What your cat is actually doing is resource guarding. You are a resource. Your attention is a resource. That glowing rectangle is competing for both, and your cat has decided it needs to be dealt with.
The attention economy, explained by cats
Cats are not oblivious to where your focus goes. They notice when you stare at a screen for hours but take thirty seconds to fill their bowl. They notice when you laugh at your phone but ignore their perfectly timed slow blink. They are keeping score.
Sitting on the keyboard is the feline equivalent of walking into a meeting uninvited, sitting in the middle of the table, and refusing to leave. It is a power move dressed up as casual indifference.
The texture theory
Some behaviourists suggest cats enjoy the tactile feedback of keys under their paws. This might explain why some cats specifically knead on keyboards, triggering seventeen browser tabs and an accidental email to your boss that reads "fffffffffffffffffff."
If your cat enjoys this sensation, they are essentially using your work equipment as a massage chair. Which, frankly, is the most cat thing imaginable.
What can you do about it?
Nothing that your cat will respect. But you can try placing a decoy warm surface nearby, like a heating pad or a box (cats love boxes more than keyboards). Some people report success with a "cat keyboard" - an old keyboard placed next to the real one.
Or you can accept your role. You are not a remote worker. You are a heated surface with thumbs, and your cat has decided your shift is over.
We all know a cat like this. Crumpet, our resident orange tabby, once managed to file a support ticket by lying on a keyboard. It was more coherent than most.
If your cat has claimed your keyboard as their personal throne, you might as well lean into it. Our Keyboard Camper tee was designed for exactly this moment - because if you cannot beat them, you might as well wear a shirt that proves you understand the situation.